**sat down yesterday to do this post and just couldn't get my head together for the quite literal heart-ache of the day's news...for all the suffering and death in the world, it remains the random and relatively small things that really tip me off my beam, I guess because that's what I can directly identify with...there have been numerous times in recent weeks that I've wept through reports about the young girl who's parents took her repeatedly to hospital after she had a heavy fall, but who died from an undiagnosed injury...and a man died this weekend at a local amateur motorcycle event...and yesterday it was a young man, hospitalised a few days ago after a cowardly punch from behind, who has died after his parents had to decide to switch-off his life support...and then a father has killed himself and his 2 infant sons by driving-off a jetty...
I mean no offense in so briefly mentioning these terrible things, I just don't know what to say, there's nothing I can do...by mid-afternoon I had nothing but hurt in my head, anger in my heart...or was it the other way 'round?...whatevs...either and/or both, had nuthin' nice to say about anything or anyone...I've also had some news in my own realm which I won't be discussing, a coupla' things about shizzle that's goin' on in people's lives and that it's simply not my place to discuss, etc, but that makes me feel that perhaps I'm not the biggest dickhead on the planet, indeed, far from it...(yeah, doesn't say a lot about others does it, when comparing yourself to other's actions helps you shelve your own volumes of No-Self-Esteem Issues and discard the wardrobe of Self-loathing as clothing, and ditch all that other Hierarchies of Self-realisation mallarchy, and simply think of yourself as a half-way decent person-Ed)...well quite...
It's what I find fundamentally ironic about my life, it's the 'giving a damn' that comes at such a cost and yet is it's own reward...and some days it does break me and I ain't too proud to admit that, indeed, I may well be proud to say it...and hence the further irony that my self-doubt shizzle causes me to question repeatedly everything I say and do and therefore builds a fundamentally sound foundation cemented together by stout truths...
But I digress...hello Portugal, Russia, Aotearoa (New Zealand), and Poland, welcome one and y'all to The Mount Gambier Independent for 2016...just very quickly...(yeah sure-Ed)...next few posts I'll run over a coupla' points from the last few posts again 'cos I ain't happy with what's been missed or poorly explained...also, need to do some random catch-up stuff because I've had my li'l holiday now, and now I need to do something a li'l more responsible and organised, namely this 'ere blog...the happy medium lies between the rabid obsession of the first 18 months, and the self-forced faux absence of the last 6 months...(and good luck with that-Ed)...cheers...
Briggsy And The Bro':...is my new Buddy-cop Sitcom absolutely chockers with unbelievably hilarious plot lines amid evil machinations of corruption and deceit, and as is the idiom, based on real-life events/incidents/whatevs...'Briggsy' is the slick ladies man, and 'Bro'' is his boof-headed offsider...their shenanigans are very exactly based on the actions/conduct/careers/cock-ups of real-time knuckleheads Jamie Briggs and his Liberal colleague Mal Brough...(I love those guys! they are just hilarious-Ed)...I know, right?!...my child suggested, Briggsy and the Bro'fish...(classic-Ed)...sure, whatevs, but I've already started on the pilot, check it out...
Episode 1- The Low Blow...in which our heroes go undercover as a Liberal Frontbenchers, but Briggsy hurts his leg whilst drunkenly kneeing PM Tony Abbott right in the groin at, ironically, a taxpayer funded knees-up wake in the departing Tony's soon-to-be not office anymore, not now that it's shiny new PM Malcolm Turnbull's office...and if I may, as dear Chairman Mal said to his alleged inspiration, his supposed muse, his dearest Tony, as he kicked Tones' sorry sack right outta' there, "mate, there's ya' shreckin' bike, there's the shreckin' door, get on it, go through it, get over it!"...(sob! why don't people write me poetry like that? sob-Ed)...come on big fella...(anyway, sob, 'knee in the groin'? are you sure?-Ed)...yeah, fairly sure, something about 'hurt his knee getting Tony in the tackle'...(um, I think it was 'in a tackle', not 'in the tackle'...he injured his knee whilst tackling Tony...'a' not 'the'...no groins involved-Ed)...well except for the 2 tools doin' it...(taboomtish yeahhhh!-Ed)...
And I haven't even written in The Bro's parts yet...The Bro tries to put the slipper into his evil arch nemesis The Speaker who possesses a talismanic tome called Hisdiary in which lie all the Unknown Truths, eg, what taxi The Speaker did and/or didn't catch...(fascinating-Ed)..and straight into the Dead Joke Zone with a brief explanation that Mal Brough is in all sorts (of trouble) for attempting to access the diary of the then Speaker of Federal Parliament, a Mr Peter Slipper...heaps about all of this on the Interweb if you can be bothered...and Briggsy 1) did hurt himself tackling outgoing PM Tones at that famous party where the marble table got clobbered as well, and then 2) last week was outed for kissing a junior diplomat...both men 'quietly' quit their Ministries between Christmas and New Years...(hilarious-Ed)...indeed, and more on this tomorrow...
Just A Terrible Pun:...that someone has surely used somewhere,
sometime and that I've somehow missed, but here goes, just in case they
haven't, with Malcolm Turnbull as PM does that mean we currently have a definitively Mal Administration?...(oh dear yes, that's not great is it?-Ed)...just in case...
Slam Addressed By Dutton:...leaves the Immigration Minister Peter Dutton feeling a little sheepish...(ough, sweet baby cheeses, that's appalling-Ed)...ta'...Dutto' appears to be trying to turn Briggsy and The Bro into some sort of triple act, possibly a pale imitation of The Three Stooges...anyhoos, in the script he texted me, Dutto' outlines his character's hilarious faux pas and the resultant high farce that results, when he 'accidentally' sends a derogatory text about someone to the person who is the subject of derision...(well that's hilarious, but hardly believable-Ed)...and back into the Dead Joke Zone with the observation that this is actually exactly what Captain Knucklehead did...(no?!-Ed)...yep, used his opposable digits like any ape of breeding does, and texted Briggsy, slamming a female journo as a "mad f****** witch" 'cos she'd bagged-out Briggsy for his Honkers nightclub shenanigans with a colleague...only CK didn't send it to Briggsy, no...(nooo?! he didn't?!-Ed)...yes he did...(he sent it to the journo herself?-Ed)...exactly...(noooo?! wow-Ed)...absolutely, what a classic...
And it's the joke that just keeps on giving because Dutto's slam about the journo was addressed/texted to her by Dutto' mate...(maaate-Ed)...and Dutto's slam was addressing the original slam that she gave Briggsy...(he slammed her slam-Ed)...spot on...(why do I feel a Suzie Quatro song coming-on?...and hang-on, you're just getting a text from the Lutherans...and there's another from Rory McEwen...oo, and one from Jay Weatherill...and from John Rau...and Steve Perryman...3 texts from the Mahers...and Billy DeGaris....and SAPol, Mt Gambier City Council, the Crown Solicitor, the Education Dept, they're just streaming in-Ed)...aren't I the popular one...(and they're all saying the same thing, "Nick Fletcher is a mad prick"-Ed)...what can I say, my public service loves me...(and here's one from Nick Xenophon-Ed)...oh come on Ed, let's keep it believable, everyone knows that good ol' Nick is avoiding me, refusing to return emails, phonecalls, etc, because of the ongoing pro-paedophile corruption of the St Martins Lutheran School Child Abuse Cover-up...(yeah sorry, I got a bit carried away there-Ed)...it happens to the best of us...
"He's A Creep":...was the most telling thing I've heard about cricketer Chris Gayle's wonderful on-camera/off-field performance piece last night...(performance piece?-Ed)...yeah, his definitive study of an arrogant git doing an impersonation of a complete dickhead behaving like a sleazy shreckin' tool...(Bukowski?-Ed)...no thanks, I'm trying to give it up...anyhoos, perhaps it's just the way I heard/saw this reported, but I note that it was a female journo I first heard say that Chris mate...(maaate-Ed)...has a very unpleasant habit of propositioning female journo's, including herself...(charming-Ed)...not really...(no, no, I was being sarcastic...I'll try again...charming!-Ed)...sorry mate, missed that inflection, just a little bit angry with men in general today, and that's obviously not a comfortable place, what with me bein' one and everything, and it's throwin' my game off...(nah, I hear ya' brother-Ed)...
Short post today and another tomorrow and so-on and so-forth, and this 'ere blog will continue to continue as best I can manage...don't know how to explain the irony of the past year, being one of the most stressful and unpleasant on many occasions, yet undoubtedly the best in many ways and in a long time...pardon the familiarity, but I will gently expect that availees quietly accept that I have been working very, very hard this year past and have made some significant 'gains', in many ways and on many things, but in all of them I've been coming off a very, very low base and there's still so, so much more work to be done...(and fair enough-Ed)...and of course, ladies and gentlemen, please thank if you will Ed, not an actual person but a confected literary device...(I blame you-Ed)...join the queue...
Tomorrow: More Fundamental Realities
I am Nick Fletcher and this is my blog...cheers and laters...(is that all today?-Ed)...
Oh Alright, A Joke:...I'm doing a movie about the original development and recent hacking of that most charming Interweb site, Ashley Madison...(is that the one where 'married' people register to hook-up and have affairs?-Ed)...yeah that's the one...(charming!-Ed)...indeed, they were hacked and the clients info posted on the Interweb...(hilarious-Ed)...indeed.........(and the movie's name?-Ed)...oh yes, sorry, Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang...(you had me at 'laters'-Ed)...
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